Post by bigbugbagbabeboots on Jun 3, 2013 4:42:15 GMT
I am feeling threads or ripples of worthlessness today because I didn't do anything all day. I got home at 7 AM and slept from 10 AM to 6 PM and it's now near midnight and the most productive activity i've done since waking up is walk the dog. The great news is that the feeling isn't overwhelming and I know the solution to rid myself of it and I'm not afraid of applying that solution or resentful that I have to apply it and the whole situation is quite funny. The solution is, of course, to go forth young man and conquer: Go chase that paper.
Life from a man's perspective is about two things; money (assets included - even people count including children) and sex. Make that money. Set the world on fire, bitches. Tail and treasure; cooch and cash; money and minge; paper and pussy. Life is very simple. It's a wonder I didn't figure it out when I was a teenager. The whole world seemed to know it. My classmates got it. It's wired right into the psyche, reinforced by the nervous system. And I too desired all that. Yet I didn't put the two together. I guess concepts and feelings like Truth, Justice, Beauty got in the way. My own resentments for having to work for something I thought I inherently deserved also played a part.
So here is the crux of this post. I am aware of the unpleasant emotion within. I realize how silly it is when I regard the INFINITE. Regarding the Infinite removes much doubt and fills me with another emotion. Let's call it joy because I think it fits the common usage of that term. It is heartfelt. That is to say that it starts in the heart. Now this joy is related to another feeling which may or may not be an emotion. The other feeling isn't heartfelt. It doesn't seem to start anywhere, neither in the gut nor on the skin nor in the head (as in a headache) nor anywhere else in particular. Nor does it move or tingle or vibrate. It seems to envelop and stays still. But when I am aware of it, I then feel the aforementioned heart-felt emotion. I have yet to discern which one comes first. It is entirely possible that the heart-felt emotion comes first, vibrates throughout the body until it envelops the body and from there stays relatively still and constant. It's equally possible that I become aware of a still and ever-present energy and that makes me feel joyous.
What is this Infinite? I don't know. It may be merely a feeling fueled by an intellectual idea. It may be the way everything is, Reality. When I regard the Infinite, what am I regarding? Am I contemplating an idea or am I observing reality?
Let's say it's reality. Can one really observe the whole truth of reality as an actual thing? If yes, then I may be experiencing an actual succor which all humans are capable of detecting. But maybe I'm just conceptualizing the whole truth of reality as an actual thing and then experiencing an affective result.
In that case, it's a concept. Let's say that reality is unknowable or unknown. And all concepts of reality are false or incomplete. This particular concept that I am calling the Infinite is false or incomplete. Yet it provides a refuge. It not only seems plausible, it seems undeniable. So I am in possession of a concept which is, at the very least, irrefutable and, to me, the absolutely most plausible explanation currently out there. On top of that, it provides the immediate relief and sense of freedom which comes from perspective. Yet, quite obviously, there is doubt. Else, I wouldn't be typing this post.
But maybe the doubt comes from the joy. In other words, the joy is obviously an emotion and I have been instructed to believe that the universe contains an actual succor named pure intent by the progenitor of the method we are striving to apply. So maybe, I feel the actual succor and then feel the affective emotion and my lack of discernment as to which is which creates doubt.
Or maybe the doubt comes from a subtle awareness that I am fooling myself.
This is quite fun.
As for my current predicament, the options are plain. I can continue to do nothing and suffer the ripples of worthlessness from not obeying the natural order as defined by the instincts of my nervous system and the standards and practices of society. Or I can go out and make that paper and have pretty good time doing it. There will be ups and downs but I have no fear of the downs because they aren't deep, they are shallow. And, of course, the ups are quite nice thought sometimes too frenetic. Nor do I have any resentment for having to do this.
The lack of fear comes from perspective. I can appreciate the Infinite at any time: Feel that actual succor or the affective joy or both, whichever combination it happens to be. The lack of resentment comes from not having a great aversion to the worthlessness. I can arrest the worthlessness at any time using the same technique. Appreciate the Infinite: Feel that actual succor or the affective joy or both, whichever combination it happens to be.
I guess my point for this thread is to get my current state down into words so as to understand it better allowing me to realize that, for the time being, it doesn't matter whether or not I am actually experiencing pure intent or just feel that I am.
In the future, I may type out my understandings of stillness and eternal time.
Life from a man's perspective is about two things; money (assets included - even people count including children) and sex. Make that money. Set the world on fire, bitches. Tail and treasure; cooch and cash; money and minge; paper and pussy. Life is very simple. It's a wonder I didn't figure it out when I was a teenager. The whole world seemed to know it. My classmates got it. It's wired right into the psyche, reinforced by the nervous system. And I too desired all that. Yet I didn't put the two together. I guess concepts and feelings like Truth, Justice, Beauty got in the way. My own resentments for having to work for something I thought I inherently deserved also played a part.
So here is the crux of this post. I am aware of the unpleasant emotion within. I realize how silly it is when I regard the INFINITE. Regarding the Infinite removes much doubt and fills me with another emotion. Let's call it joy because I think it fits the common usage of that term. It is heartfelt. That is to say that it starts in the heart. Now this joy is related to another feeling which may or may not be an emotion. The other feeling isn't heartfelt. It doesn't seem to start anywhere, neither in the gut nor on the skin nor in the head (as in a headache) nor anywhere else in particular. Nor does it move or tingle or vibrate. It seems to envelop and stays still. But when I am aware of it, I then feel the aforementioned heart-felt emotion. I have yet to discern which one comes first. It is entirely possible that the heart-felt emotion comes first, vibrates throughout the body until it envelops the body and from there stays relatively still and constant. It's equally possible that I become aware of a still and ever-present energy and that makes me feel joyous.
What is this Infinite? I don't know. It may be merely a feeling fueled by an intellectual idea. It may be the way everything is, Reality. When I regard the Infinite, what am I regarding? Am I contemplating an idea or am I observing reality?
Let's say it's reality. Can one really observe the whole truth of reality as an actual thing? If yes, then I may be experiencing an actual succor which all humans are capable of detecting. But maybe I'm just conceptualizing the whole truth of reality as an actual thing and then experiencing an affective result.
In that case, it's a concept. Let's say that reality is unknowable or unknown. And all concepts of reality are false or incomplete. This particular concept that I am calling the Infinite is false or incomplete. Yet it provides a refuge. It not only seems plausible, it seems undeniable. So I am in possession of a concept which is, at the very least, irrefutable and, to me, the absolutely most plausible explanation currently out there. On top of that, it provides the immediate relief and sense of freedom which comes from perspective. Yet, quite obviously, there is doubt. Else, I wouldn't be typing this post.
But maybe the doubt comes from the joy. In other words, the joy is obviously an emotion and I have been instructed to believe that the universe contains an actual succor named pure intent by the progenitor of the method we are striving to apply. So maybe, I feel the actual succor and then feel the affective emotion and my lack of discernment as to which is which creates doubt.
Or maybe the doubt comes from a subtle awareness that I am fooling myself.
This is quite fun.
As for my current predicament, the options are plain. I can continue to do nothing and suffer the ripples of worthlessness from not obeying the natural order as defined by the instincts of my nervous system and the standards and practices of society. Or I can go out and make that paper and have pretty good time doing it. There will be ups and downs but I have no fear of the downs because they aren't deep, they are shallow. And, of course, the ups are quite nice thought sometimes too frenetic. Nor do I have any resentment for having to do this.
The lack of fear comes from perspective. I can appreciate the Infinite at any time: Feel that actual succor or the affective joy or both, whichever combination it happens to be. The lack of resentment comes from not having a great aversion to the worthlessness. I can arrest the worthlessness at any time using the same technique. Appreciate the Infinite: Feel that actual succor or the affective joy or both, whichever combination it happens to be.
I guess my point for this thread is to get my current state down into words so as to understand it better allowing me to realize that, for the time being, it doesn't matter whether or not I am actually experiencing pure intent or just feel that I am.
In the future, I may type out my understandings of stillness and eternal time.